Jan 7, 2016

Finding Liam - My introduction to the Transgender world & how I found him...

Well, what a Christmas I had! The month of December was quite a clusterfuck of complicated events and intensity.  It all started with a couple of transgender guys who had a bad run of luck…  Let me start at the beginning.

Vancouver.
A hipster city full of drugs, homeless people, home brew on tap, seafood, vegans, bicycles, tourists, actors, and BAD DRIVERS.
And a pretty big LGBTQP+ community. Did I say that right?

Let's start off by saying I've always considered myself a straight female. Sure, there was moments in and after high school where I'd mess around with girls, but really it was a ploy to get into boys pants.  I wouldn't say I was a slut, I was ignorant as I never got any decent birds and bees speech, really I had to learn about relationships the hard way. By reading books and watching TV...
Honestly. No premarital sex cuz it's bad, and boys and girls get married so they can have babies.
I wanted none of that. But again, this was my limited exposure to the world.

After high school, my younger siblings had a year of incidents in the high school which led my folks to some homophobic bias's. Some kids had come out as gay because there was some serious special treatment going on, it became a flourishing fad for that entire year.  Thanks, teenagers, for taking advantage of the system.
Moving along...
First time I really learned about trans people was watching an episode of Maury (or one of those kinds of talk shows...) It was a male to female (post op but with penis) who had been dating someone long distance for 1.5 years. They finally met in person, were in love, and the guy wanted to marry her. She came out as trans AFTER they fell in love and the guy was still wanting to go through with marriage, and people were shocked by this. So this was the first thing I heard and really learned about trans ppl.
I was very interested after seeing this. I don't know what it was that intrigued me most, but I found the idea very attractive! To me, I could date a "chick with a dick" and still be straight. I justified this as both men and women could do it and still be straight.  I didn't think anything of it.

I had also spent many years interested in being with a trans-woman though the only opportunity seemed to be hiring a trans escort for a threesome, as they all were interested in men.  Every once in a while I would spring up my bi-curious tendencies through alcohol and loneliness. On occasion I'd head to a bar alone and try to meet a girl, though it never worked out.  Sometimes I'd look online for a dating site for trans or lesbians. It seemed the only people interested in meeting were gay men, and just for sex. There was never anything out there that seemed right for me!
And thus the years passed...
I dated a few cis men (cis is the term for born with their gender identity) in long term relationships. None of them were open, but I was always looking at Hedo 2 in Jamaica (never got over the jealousy thing and had a guy cheat on me for 5+ years so that didn't manifest...)
I finally got dumped in September 2011 for the last time.

So I get to Vancouver of September 2015. I had spent the summer considering dating women, after 4 years being single I'd heard someone in a scene study say they wanted to date men AND women because otherwise they would discount 50% of their potential soul mates...  Lesbian apps all seem to be out of Asia, and most LGBT dating apps are for HOOKUPS and fuck this hookup culture I want to DATE someone!
Being in Vancouver opened some doors... One night I decided to post an ad on Craigslist.  Yea, classy, I know.  I decided to see if there were any trans people looking for a friend, or maybe more...  It was a brief ad, not sexual at all, just sincere. And the response rate was AMAZING... started off slowly, but I must have gotten at least 2 dozen replies in a couple of weeks!  So many trans women or scared men looking for support, a friend, and unconditional love!  Of course I had a dozen or so guys who had a fetish of wearing women's clothing and wanted something sexual, but for the most part I just heard from real people who just wanted someone to talk to.

And then there was Liam.

He was the only FTM that replied to my ad (probably because I specified I was looking for someone with working "parts" in the dating world... haha... oops...) but it was genuine and an honest reply.

He wanted to meet, just to say hi. And he was willing to put effort into it.
We spoke a few times on the phone. He was funny. A bit crazy. Not really my type... but I am always willing to meet for coffee or SOMETHING.
Halloween we finally met in person. He had a little sidekick (who stuck around for months but I'll just leave that for another story) who was another FTM but at the time I wasn't sure if it was a gay lover or WHAT...  in any case, we met briefly for a moment at a Halloween party and that was that... somehow, this guy squirmed his way into my heart over the next couple of months.

I had offered a safe haven at one point to these two FTM men.  They had come into some troubles and were sexually attacked in the home they had been staying, so I immediately opened my doors to them.  Over a month they came and went and I did what I could to offer support and safety.
In December, after an incident, both of them came to settle into my apartment for a solid couple of weeks.  This is when I really got to know Liam and the amazing heart he has.

We spent a lot of time together, and finally got some privacy at the beginning of the xmas holidays from my school as I sent Vinny on his way back to Montreal.  After a weekend in Calgary I decided it was important for us to have a talk, about “us”… Like, where we stand. What does he want? What are his plans for the future? He has so much potential to do amazing things… professional soccer, singing as a hip hop artist, branding and online social media marketing, LGBT support, writing (a book, for starters).  Did he want to stay with me? in my house? After all the shit that I’d been through the years I wasn’t sure how excited I was for a permanent roommate… but I really liked him. I was already smitten.

I knew that I needed to talk about the relationship thing especially at this point in my life, exploring my sexuality and discovering new things. I didn’t want to be held down and bound, but I didn’t want to lose the blossoming romance that had begun.

I mean, could I have a relationship with someone who didn’t have a penis? I by no means consider myself a lesbian. Yes, I’m sexually active. I’m in my prime! I am finally free from the bounds of progesterone shots killing my libido, and free to explore the sex clubs and adult scene in metropolitan Vancouver!  But… This could be love. That emotional monogamy that I so desperately crave, and have wanted as long as I can remember…  This is what we discussed.

I knew what kind of person he was, I thought I could be a good judge of character. I mean, I really try to trust my intuition and for the most part, as long as I decipher it properly, it’s pretty accurate.

I sometimes think, "when someone goes through this much pain, they become a better person. They are more grateful, kind, and appreciative than most. Because they have hurt so badly, they don't want to inflict the same pain on others"...  I don't know if this is always true, but I know Liam is a kind and amazing and generous person who has had to endure inexplicable cruelty. 

My life has changed forever, now. With everything I have seen. I want to be a part of this, of everything. I want to have this person in my life. So, i agreed to an open relationship.  For the first time in 4.3 years, I have a boyfriend. Someone willing to be by my side, who fits all kinds of my OCD-like demands, who will allow me the freedom I need and will do anything to make me happy.  Wow.. who’d have thought! And after all that…

Through my interactions with the trans community in the little time I've spent here in Vancouver, I have seen and heard some of the horrible things these people have to go through just to feel normal.  It makes me sick to my stomach.  Why people care so much about what is between the legs is beyond me...  We need to look inside and love people for who they are. Love someone's SOUL, not their genitals.
And fuck everyone who can't grasp that.  The world needs to be rid of unacceptance, and free of ignorance.

I made myself a vow today. For 2016.  I have made it my personal mission to educate myself and protect others on this journey we call life.

To every single LGBTQP+ human out there reading this: I love you. I love your soul. You are worth it.  Don't let anyone dictate how you live your life.  Your pain is real, and you are not alone.  I'm sorry for everyone that ever hurt you. I promise you things WILL get better.  The universe had a plan, and you're a part of that plan. 
Never give up.
I'm here for you.

All my love,

Kit La Tigre